This page is dedicated to the works of Jóna Rúna Kvaran. Harmony takes on New Year´s Eve Problems It´s like, totally a sure thing that if my advice won´t be used this New Year´s Eve I´m moving away from home! Mom has made everyone at home completely nuts by inviting Aunt Tootsie from Toadville and Gramps from Goosefoot-Lane over for dinner on New Year´s Eve. If we look at the facts, the first thing is that since Aunt Tootsie´s boyfriend, Mr.Olaf, was seen pinching the thigh of the mother-in-law of the old bat that lives below them, Aunt Tootsie has been carrying her theater binoculars with her at all times, insane with jealousy. Secondly, everyone knows that Gramps in Goosefoot-Lane is dangerously promiscuous, a sex maniac if you ask me. Now, as we all know, everyone is smooching with everyone at twelve o´clock at New Year´s and if we here at home are going to avoid finally loosing it, then we must find a way to make sure that those to womanizers, Gramps and Mr.Olaf, won´t get lost. This means only one thing: strategic planing, and I mean Big Time! If last year´s disaster repeats itself and those two will be found on New Year´s Day with these two sisters that live down the street , Mom and Dad will be forced to move away from Blueberry Hills! Those two slutty old leeches literally wait for the old guys to show up around midnight once a year. Nobody escapes the sisters until the next day at the earliest, if their lucky. They are sooo desperate because in between New Year´s Eve´s they don´t stand a chance, that´s quite obvious. One of them has a wart on her cheekbone the size of medium sized moon and the other one has a stubble, or at least her chin is about as whiskered as a cat´s! Those devious bachelorettes stand outside their house from about eight o´clock pm, innocently lighting flares now and then and being sure not to miss any possible action. Mom promised Aunt Tootsie, the old mole, that I and Dad would watch Mr.Olaf the intire evening if she´d come. I´m like, totally on to the old, spoiled goat´s demands. It would be best and the least tiresome for me and Dad, that is if we´re not going to rot slowly in our own misery, to play a casette for the oversexed old farts, containing a little information about what will happen if they venture outside. It´s best not to take unnecessary chances with a crazy crowd like that. I mean, I like totally get nauseated looking at them. They both have custom made hairpieces for crying out loud! Let us not forget, that when my friend Joy had to watch her Dad one New Year´s Eve for the same reason, I simply told her to forget it and let technology work for her. He´s so completely hysterical, that she had him laying in bed within fifteen minutes, after playing for him a casette with a few loud bangs and suspicious male shrieking. It was obvious that the poor man on the tape had been viciously attacked by a crazed and immoral woman. As a matter of fact Joy´s brother Hallbert acted all the shrieking on the casette for her and she played it over and over for her believing Dad: “I´ve lost my hearing! Oh God! I can´t find my thumb!! I´m a goner! Somebody get me an ambulance now!! I´m dead! I can just feel it!!!” Keeping Dad savely tucked away that night was no problem for Joy. He even decided not to get out of bed ever again on New Year´s. I´m so cool. I hope I will be discovered soon! Written by: Jóna Rúna Kvaran;      Translated by: Nína Rúna Kvaran; Email .. ...